Is There More of Me in This Choice?

Sometimes the clearest sign that a choice is right for us is not certainty.

It is recognition.

A sense that somewhere inside this choice, there is more of me.

Pleasure as Direction.

In my practice I invite the idea that Pleasure is direction and I also notice that pleasure can easily be misunderstood as indulgence. But there is another way to think about it.

Pleasure can show us the conditions in which we come more fully alive.

The people around whom we soften. The work that makes us curious and the environments where we feel more open, capable and ourselves.

In that sense, pleasure is not simply about what feels good.

It can be a form of direction, it can help us notice where we thrive.

The Orchid in the Desert

A useful way to think about this is through the image of an orchid in the desert.

An orchid can try to survive there. It can push, adapt and endure. It can even become very good at surviving difficult conditions.

But that does not make the desert the right environment for it.

At some point, the leaves begin to burn. The plant becomes thirsty. It struggles.

That pain is information. It does not necessarily mean the orchid is weak.

It may simply mean: You are trying to thrive in conditions that were never right for you.

And yet this is often what we ask of ourselves.

We tell ourselves to toughen up, try harder, become more resilient or stop wanting something different.

We try to become the cactus.

So Pain Tells Us Where to Look

Pain is not always an instruction to leave. but it is often an invitation to pay attention.

• Where am I constantly forcing?
• Where am I shrinking?
• Where am I performing a version of myself just to belong?
• Where am I spending enormous energy trying to fit somewhere that does not fit me?

These questions can reveal something important about who we are trying to be, versus who we actually are. And YET, I find that so many of force ourselves to stay there. And that is where Pain, become suffering.

The suffering begins when we realise what we want, but believe we are not allowed to want it.

Practicing the Choice

The good news is that we do not need to change our entire lives overnight.

We can begin much smaller, with everyday choices.

• Who do I want to spend time with?
• What kind of work gives me energy?
• Do I want to go, or do I want to stay home?
• What feels like a genuine yes?

These small decisions help us learn our own language. They teach us what moving towards ourselves feels like, and over time, we begin to notice a pattern.

Some choices leave us feeling further away from ourselves and others contain more of us.

There’s More of Me Here

This becomes another way of making decisions.

Instead of asking only: Is this the safest choice? Will everyone understand it? Can I guarantee it will work?

We can also ask: Is there more of me in this choice? More of what I value, want? More of what I know.

More room for the person I am becoming when I stop negotiating myself away.

Reflection

This week, notice the environments, relationships and choices where you feel most like yourself.

And notice the places where you are working very hard just to remain.

Then ask: Where am I trying to become a cactus when I might simply be an orchid in the wrong conditions?

And what is one small choice I could make that contains a little more of me?